Went short Mandai loop with paulie & gang on Sat night after cult psyc, right before the 21km run.
Was a good idea, despite only getting back at 230am.
Would have been moping about being emo anyway.
This year’s edition was my second attempt at the 21km distance and I think I made some improvement.
Will have to consider changing training program to aim for a more aggressive timing goal.
2:03 gun time, is the same as my chip time for 2006.
Will have to wait to see how my chip time turns out.
Also considering time trial setup for half IM distance, ITT & TTT.
In the end I think all this to shore up the weakness in me.
I slip too easily into emo mode when I let myself go weak.
I am still too affected by what I feel I hold dear in my heart.
It pains me.
As a result, I recognize that I have 2 options.
Do something about it or shut up and suck it up.
Well the senior thesis topic is working out somewhat.
Culture, emotions and decision making.
Seems something that’s right up my alley.
Only interest will keep the commitment going.
Did a set of 10x 800m @ ~5min/km pace.
Almost died… Raw endurance and aggressive time goals are different indeed.
Did another LSD 4x 5km negative splits in around 1:55 last Monday.
Went spinning on Friday for 80min and a short Mandai loop on Sunday.
Exam week makes me feel pukey.
Stress and overloading with junk food makes it worse.
I’ve not had junk food in a while, so having so much so quickly makes me extra pukey.
Sometimes I’m just glad that there’s people like chibi to talk with.
Beans and radish are healthy, hah, so are her cream cheese and oreo donuts.
It feels bad to feel good?
Boss says as long as I know what I’m doing, I should be fine.
Damn slack la, at this last lap before the term ends.
Every term I’ll have something cropping up to occupy my mind.
Maybe I don’t really have any QC like what S says.
Well, it’s getting better.
Forgive when you can.
I’m trying to, but it hurts less with each passing day.
It just feels weird, but hey, I’m still around, so are you.
As well as all those that came before you…
Spin Spin Spin!
Another LSD run today, 18.2km before they switched off the machines.
I slept too much today, was late for class, was late for run.
And while zm asks if I gotten over being emo, I think I wasn’t being entirely truthful when I said yes.
I feel that since then I have traded in the old me for something else.
I am no longer the person that tries to fit in.
I am different, and I’m no longer afraid to be openly different.
If you want to understand why is there such difference, I’ll be glad to show you why.
I’m hungry to fill in that difference.
It gnaws at me from within and without.
I’m barely on top of it all the time.
It’s not my brain that needs work.
It’s all the other bits that needs developing.
Holistic development some say.
25min or less for 1500m is what would take R to come back to tri.
I wonder how long will I take for just 800m… 16min or more?
I still care too much to put things aside.
I guess I have to be firm and say that’s it means that’s it.
Unmasking what lies beneath the mask.
Second round ubin (RU) in 2 weeks.
It feels good, not that exhausting, yet very much fulfilling.
Must be because 4 guys & 1 girl, so we get a good reason to modulate the speed at which we’re going.
So it seems that we should get more people to come down!
Good exercise, good food after, and good enough to still leave time after for other stuff!
I think I agree with X, once people go beyond friends, yes and no becomes blurred and everything has the potential to end up in a mess.
Ha. I shall stick to what I do best!
A form of respect, WB would say, hmmm… Somehow perhaps I don’t subscribe to that school of thought?
Somehow I think chatting with chibi has started me on the path to straightening out myself.
It feels good to know that your friends trust you to be there, to be reliable when they need you.
Even if it’s just a nutella sandwich or a shoulder to lie on while we go over the details of our lives.
It’s weird to me, even if it’s not to you.
It’s really great to be back.
I’ll be seeing you around!
Life seems more colourful these days.
Even as the term draws to a close, I feel that I’m arriving towards a closer approximation to my most comfortable state.
Some other people would say that the pace is getting faster.
To me it seems that time is slowing down instead.
To something more flowingly fluid and graceful.
Neither sluggishly liquid like molasses nor churning, foaming like a river tipping off a waterfall.
I like this period in time, where I feel most alive.
Looking back at the monochromatic days, where everything seems sepia toned, makes me want to ask myself:
What difference is it?
Usually we would hear of instances that mentally we want to do this, ie. mind wiling, but the body is weak.
For me, the reverse is usually more applicable.
The body can do it, only if the mental wherewithal is there to see it through.
Why the 19km on the treadmill last evening then?
It is to train my mind.
My mind is frail, weaker than it should be.
It needs some working on.
Perhaps the difference lies in the strength of the mind.
It was unable to see the colour that was there all this time…
