It’s almost what, a semester plus since?
I’ve found again the structure that gives my life the substance that I can gnaw on.
Anima sana in corpore sano I say, or someone that made a shoe company would say.
Disaster? It seemed like that from a narrow point of view at that point in time.
On hindsight? Perhaps I made a worse choice compared to the worst one. (wonder how that sounds?)
Reminders that were associated have since lost their potency.
I can bear them much better now compared to before.
Then again, others are still around.
Through no action/inaction of mine will I allow similar incidents to ever happen.
Never ever say ever, would you say? =)
Motivated cognition/decision making.
What makes one give up all others for just one.
I have come to that decision several times, but I get rebuffed all those times.
Still I continue to make the same decision after each rebuff.
Wonder where does this motivation of mine come from.
Must be mad. 0_o
Riding with the JR at 5am has brought me back from the brink of professed insanity from the irresolute emo days(or was it nights?) that I stayed awake, unable to sleep for hours on end, mind on hyperdrive that drove me to seek silent solitude.
LSD runs with P and gang has probably done me some good.
If not the hours pacing on the treadmill is my free time to zen out too.
Somehow C mentioned that pride perhaps has a role to play for me being the way I am.
Am I proud of what I went through, a rather not run-of-the-mill experience most privileged local kids won’t have?
Similarly, C also seem to understand why it seems that I don’t wish to say or reveal a lot of things a lot the times.
People like to belong.
Belonging allows sharing of common experiences, a breaking of barriers, a melding of individuality (with all it’s qualities and deficiencies) into a coruscating collectivity.
I would like to belong, but I only belong X-sectionally, not longitudinally?
My experiences cut across many “timelines” so to speak.
If you understand cohort effects, I cut across cohorts, so it is hard to pin any effects from any particular cohort to me.
I might be the posterboy for SISD, successive independent sample design! a combination of X-sectional and longitudinal design… (when I start to talk in study design terms…)
Well, each bunch that comes along has it’s own characters, it’s own stories and perhaps it’s own conclusion?
I find a subtle sufficiency whereby I am able to observe and still traverse the timeflow (objectively or subjectively? absolutely or relatively?)
Once I dive in however, all bets are off.
Influence can be a vicious beast.
In the end, I’m not looking for something that lasts a semester.
It’s impossible or nigh so, for me to understand that sometimes it doesn’t apply the same way.
Well everyone is different, what applies to me might apply differently to others.
In reality, that is usually the case, more often than not.
Fret not.
Yours truly will probably still be around.
Won’t be kickin the bucket any time soon, unless of course the good people die young urban legend thingamajig applies?
Then again, I’m not so sure I’m one of the good guys anymore.
Friends by Stephanie is on replay, ED2 for Gundam 00
No Comments Yet